From the BBC’s Bush House in central London to Amsterdam, PiP’s doors, windows and ironmongery specified selections are pure poetry and romance
Heritage steel frame refurb
Steel Window Association
‘You asked me once,’ said O’Brien, ‘what was in Room 101. But you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world: knackered steel-framed windows.’
The door opened again. O’Brien closed it.
‘Bloody wind’, said O’Brien. ‘We’ve had the rest of the building done, with hinges eased, adjusted or replaced, warped frames straightened, galvanised, power coated; even remedies to bomb damage. It’s all airtight at last, even after decades. Room 101 is the place where we face these damnable rattling gales.’
steel-window-association.co.uk
Sliding glass pocket walls
Sky-Frame
‘Strelitzia, Strelitzia!
Your name as pretty as the breeze!
Oh come outside, Strelitzia!
And bloom beneath my leaves!
‘I watch you through the moving glass;
My heart leaps when it slides apart!
Strelitzia, my darling, please
just come, oh come, outside!
‘The interspaces of the track
are smooth and only 10mm wide,
Strelitzia, and flat!
So get up on your roots, my heart,
And crawl your way outside!’
‘My darling Oak, you hunky bloke,
I fear our love must die!
For I am tropical, my dear, and fear
without the double-glazing sometimes closed, then so would I!’
Bespoke rooflight windows
Keylite
‘We always stay here when we’re in Amsterdam. We love the massive baths, but even more than that, the views from these enormous bespoke roof window units! They’ve turned a dank, dark roof space into a vantage point – we achieve a spiritual union with the sky, natural light, trees outside, and fresh air flooding in. The heritage glass was specially sourced and cut to size. And the bronze trim not only looks good, but it minimises sound transfer, too. Roger is just a massive biophiliac!’
‘Eurgh, men, and how much noise do you two make, exactly?’
Aperio KL100 wireless lock
Assa Abloy
‘Nurse! Nurse! I can’t get into me locker! Flippin’ lock’s broke!’
‘But Mr Garnett, it’s brand new. It’s the wireless lock I was telling you about. A secure digital keyless solution that means your valuables are kept perfectly safe. It was retrofitted while you were asleep.’
‘But it won’t bleedin’ open! You lot have ‘ad me stuff already for all I know!’
‘Mr Garnett, here is your new smart wristband. Smoking is forbidden, so your tobacco can stay where it is. And it’s highly unlikely anyone has swiped your spare pants, Hammers scarf, or dentures.’