Products that eclipse crystal or guide civil servants to the feeding area, and atmospheric and seductive ceilings
Decomesh lay-in tiles
Zentia UK
Yeah, so when we were Clementine Tango’s Fruity Juice Spot, this look was great – but now we’re rebranding as Beardy Bludgeon’s Blood-n-Guts Gaming, we’re going for a more chainmaily one in the standard aluminium powder-coating. They’re all drop-in tiles, so we keep the Prelude grid. It’s an easy swap, innit.
Yeah! Custom orange. Just like the net on a box of satsumas. Good spot! Bit sad to see it go, but you’ve got to be fast on your feet in modern retailing. And we’re stuck with the lease until 2030, so…
Relate Flame stone-effect porcelain
Ceramiche Caesar
‘Hello! Richard O’Brien here! Your genial guide to the Crystal Maze! So, here we are in The Industrial Zone, and who’s going to pit their wits against the fiendish delights of the Hotel Concord wine fridge?! Somewhere in there you’ll find that all-important Time Crystal, but first you must walk across the Magically Mesmerising Relate Flame Floor of Porcelain Stone! In you go!’
‘Oooh!!
‘Can you see the crystal?’
‘OOOOOOOH!’
‘CAN YOU SEE THE CRYSTAL?’
‘Huh? Who cares?! Lock me in! This floor is AMAZING!’
Tessera Struktur 2 Flooring
Forbo
So we’ve done what we could to repopulate the Department of Brexit Opportunities and Government Efficiency, cos Jacob’s passive-aggressive fridge notes didn’t get people in, did they? These lovely 350gsm carpet tiles are finally showing some results, only now we’ve initiated the Brexit Positivity Messaging Protocol and reoriented them from the equivocal ‘Quarter Turn’ pattern to an ‘Irresistible Monolithic’ runway, guiding timid civil servants towards the feeding area. I suggested laying a supplementary trail of Haribos, but Moggy’s only willing to go as far as humbugs – or gobstoppers. It’s an uphill job.
Heartfelt Multipanel ceiling
Hunter Douglas
Felt! It’s the future! Marvellous stuff! Marjorie uses cat brushings to make little hats, you know. So it’s exciting that Upstairs have succumbed to its seductive power, and installed these modular ceilings using low-maintenance, 100% recyclable panels that just clip in and out of the BXD framework.The acoustics are the thing, though. The absorption coefficients on some styles go up to 0.70! Wonderful. It’s like working in a library. It’s so quiet, in fact, they’ve finally agreed to give us back our typewriters. And we’re all getting suits from Joseph Beuys.