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What to put on your roof

Claire Leavey

Weatherproofing, insulation, aesthetics… there’s a lot to consider when you select a roof covering

Alkorbright waterproof  membrane 

Autotranslated from the Flemish:
‘[Unrecognized] Hellfire, Piet! You’re wasted on roofing! Nice [unrecognized] work!’ ‘Well, Maart, it’s a [unrecognized] privilege to use flexible, highly reflective Renolit Alkorbright membrane to waterproof the collections of this here Antwerp Royal Museum of Fine Arts.’
‘Indeed, but you assembling 1,665m2  cut to fit the triple sizes of rooflights used to obscure the slope on which they sit is itself art!’
‘I have verifiably used offcuts in my next Jerwood Sculpture submission, ‘Chilly/Unmoist’, Maart. [Unrecognized] love it!’

Nodo arm box awning

Dear colleagues, Welcome back to the office! We hope you enjoy the changes we’ve made. Before entering, please decontaminate at our new sanitising station, massaging the eyeballs, nasal passages and buccal orifice for 20 seconds each with the provided steel wool applicators. Please dispose of your personal scourer in the bin provided. To limit aerosol transmission, we have moved your team outside using Gibus’ stylish and versatile contemporary awnings. You may of course bring hot water bottles, electrically-heated gloves, bobble hats and sleeping bags from home.

Modular ventilating skylights

In this [moment] suddenly I saw five Rings as it were the Rings of the Olympic Games yet disarrayed as though fallen from the hand of God. And then did come unto me five Angels who took up the five Rings and did competitively twirl themselves into a tizzy until one only remained. And I said: Benedicite Domine! with mighty voice; and full greatly was astonished for wonder and marvel; not at the Blessed feat of Hulahooping but at the Ventilating Modular Skylights through which these divine competitors then passed.
– Saint Julian of Porridge, 1373

AeroDek interlocking steel tiles
BMI Group

‘The building had recently been re-covered with AeroDek interlocking galvanised steel tiles. Mr Axport-Wartness: you would agree, would you not, that this roof – the one in the photograph – seems constructed in conventional clay tiles?’
‘Yes, definitely, Mr Pitt-Bull.’
 ‘As did the defendant – but this is in fact the very roof in question! 
‘So what would have happened when the defendant attempted to break into the building by free-falling from his hired Cessna with a backpack full of pig iron?’

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