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Wall panels, bathroom fittings and toilets – our pick of the latest interior products

Claire Leavey

This latest selection ranges from tile-free waterproof wall panels to ceramic slabs and classy WCs

Antibacterial waterproof wall panels, Fibo
Channel 5 primetime idea: ‘Tiling Nightmares’.
Summary: Sloppy cement, matchsticks falling out, matchsticks getting stuck, tiles dropping off, grout going like tramps’ teeth, tilers tinkling in the sink. Thoughts?
Note: Don’t include these Metro Brick tiles in Ocean Blue, or any of Fibo’s many other new Urban, Signature or Scandinavian Collection designs, cos they’re actually 2.4m by 600mm panels - no tiling required! Nice, eh? Seven-ply waterproof birch, routed ‘grout’ lines, antibacterial, invisible click joints! Dead loss for this show.

Maximus Mega Slab, RAK Ceramics

‘I have a wewy gwate fwend in Wome called Maximus Mega Slab! He is enormous, but wemarkably slender in pwofile. When he is poisoned by enemies, I will cwaft his effigy in marble cewamic!
They will be in thwee thicknesses, as slim as 9mm. Some Maximus Mega Slabs shall be Minimus Mega Slabs, at a mere 60x120cm - and other Maximus Mega Slabs will be a weally staggewing 120x260cm! I will ewect wadically enormous Mega Slab ewections all over Wome!
Fwow them to the fwoor? 
Oh no! We will lay them wewy carefully, centuwion!’

Edition Lignatur, ‘Wild White Oak’, Keuco & Team 7
‘Well, it could have been worse. We could have been a McDonald’s condiment counter or hot tub cladding in an Essex backyard!’
‘I s’pose you’re right. But you get to be a double basin! Me? I’m just a box on the side. And to think we were once wild – hewn from one majestic oak! I miss the forest.’
‘Well at least we’re custom-made and hand-built. The ceramics and accessories are proper quality. Love this white oil they’ve done us with, too. Can’t fault their taste, really. Just the chopping us down and that.’

High-level 814 cistern WC set, Thomas Crapper

Charles watched the Trump behind inch ahead of his dear mother, and pondered the golden throne upon which it was known to perch. He thought of Mummy’s far more practical Thomas Crapper Venerable WC pan and 814 high-level cistern. Each embodied the essence of its user: one an ostentatious public flinger of stinking nuggets; the other a discreet but elegant and effective operator, smelling only of White Rose by Floris. ‘If only,’ sighed Charles, ‘America had used a No 814 Waste Preventer in 2016. It would have saved us all a lot of trouble.’ 


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