PiP’s interiors selections move from an ecowarrior and petrochemical heiress to Norman Stanley Fletcher via a lavish range of home and hospitality enhancements
Solid wood grill ceiling panels
‘Norman Stanley Fletcher, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual criminal who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. You will go to prison for five years. But before you go, take a last look at this magnificent acoustic-backed grill panel ceiling in 20mm by 68mm solid European oak slats secured at 120mm with aluminium dowels, because this old court house has just been re-done as a distiller’s corporate HQ, and they’re the best bars you’ll be seeing for a while.’
Recyclable steel enamel sanitaryware
Ecowarrior and petrochemicals heiress Cognita V De Sonnance has had her knuckles rapped by the RSPCA for keeping a ‘rescued’ 15ft juvenile Orcinus Orca in the bath at her £15 million Park Lane apartment. RSPCA spokeswoman May d’Uppe said: ‘Anyone using their home bathroom for marine conservation should simply choose enamelled steel appliances from Kaldewei. Not only do these recyclable tubs and basins use natural raw materials, Kaldewei partners with the WWF in ocean stewardship. We tried to get them, but they went with the big boys. Don’t put that bit in.’
Etoile Vergennes basin stand
So, yah, this is it before, plumbed and so boring tucked away in the bathroom, but you know, the nickel-plated Vergennes stand was such an absolute work of art – wasted in the bathroom – so we moved it to the hall. I mean, 84% of people agree the most important thing about buying is that you get a good feeling when you walk through the door, and 76% say that first impressions are everything when viewing a house. So now we’ve moved the basin behind the front door – and what with all the handwashing we’re having to do once indoors it’s a wonder we haven’t sold yet.
Dekton Trilium surfaces
Oh, Iceland, Iceland. Trying to get in on Mexico’s thing with your oh-so spectacular volcano footage! Just because Popocatépetl’s 3000m plumes caught the headlines in January, and the Trilium worksurfaces at London’s hottest new Mexican restaurant are causing a stir with their 80% recycled glass, quartz and porcelain composition and deliciously particoloured matt finish inspired by volcanic rock, you think your little burnt frankfurters are going to impress anyone? Try asparagus, sea lettuce and scarlet elf cup aguachile next time. Amateurs.