Practical and fantastical ways to glamorise the everyday, starring Darth Vadar, a much-missed KK, Bisto Kids lookalikes and Roger
Happy D.2 Plus
HASHTAG BLESSED! Loving my ‘Kimentology’ devotional wall art and altar featuring the iconic Kim Kardashian! HASHTAG ICON HASHTAG ILOVEYOUKIM The altar has an ultra-thin DuraCeram basin that’s HASHTAG SOSTRONG that it’s safely and invisibly covalent-bonded to the Mediterranean oak wall-hung vanity. I mean altar. Just one question: as shown on Kim’s Instagram, the exclusive devotion station has a stunning portrait of Kim in the frame. When I unboxed it though, all I can see is me? HASHTAG WheresKimmy
X Pure induction extractor hob
Bill and Maree Bisto are back in the kitchen, thanks to Bora’s ‘X Pure’ extraction hob. Since their scandalously unexplained sacking as the gravy family’s faces in 1996, they’ve been working incognito as air conditioning executives for Birmingham’s NEC. Said Maree of their new role, ‘With undercounter clearances of only 200mm, our olfactory and lung capacities combined with short stature have found their perfect home. We have asked customers to note that use of Oxo or Knorr stock cubes will boost suction by 20%, while Bisto may invoke our own patented ‘blow back’ function.
Poured concrete worktops
The Poured Project
Roger would insist on using contractors from the parish newsletter. Inspired by photographer Kristy Noble’s Poured Project concrete worktop still life, we called AAA Building Services on one of their mobile numbers and asked them to reproduce the look in our Lancashire holiday hole. We were expecting a custom-templated, expertly pre-formed, durable, sealed food-safe polymer/ground granite pour. But we got two bags of ready-mix Postcrete in plywood shuttering held together with some preloved screws. So we’ll be giving Poured a call.
Core units in ‘Carbon’
Luke, my dear boy,
I did not die. I’m waiting for you, here, in the home that I built for us. That I built for you and Leia, Luke. I enclose a photo of our lovely new kitchen. It’s 1mm brushed anodised aluminium on a 14mm black fibreboard core. I have been baking, Luke. I have been baking for you, my only son, and for your sister too. I have conquered Nadiya’s ‘Spiced Squash Strudel’. Nadiya’s irresistible strudel is waiting – as am I.
I write in hope,
Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader
Your loving dad