Latest selections for flooring procurement
V Collection Herringbone in Cocoa Prime, Havwoods
‘Well, we cancelled our Amazon subscription, finally! Free shipping, gaming deals, Top Gear, and 10 per cent off at Whole Foods? Far from ‘prime’! Obviously the site is prime, we’re still buying prime steak, we’ve organised it so all our phones have only prime numbers, and both our mothers are in their fifties, so they’re in their prime – so that only left the floorboards!
‘They’re engineered American black walnut, and at 120mm by 600mm, they’re totally prime. Boris is dropping by for drinks later, just to have a look. We are not at home to any lesser minister.’
Sher-Crete Topscreed range, Sherwin-Williams
‘Ah! Roomba! Lovely! Shame you got rendered non-functional by that dog, but welcome to heaven anyway! Cleaning here is nirvana – it’s these polymer-rich cementitious screeds everywhere. In our VIP area, Saint James of Dyson and His Holiness Henry Hoover are waiting to welcome you with 50mm of Sher-Crete BU topped with resin. And here in the arena, we hold our weekly “suck-in”. This is 5-15mm Sher-Crete SLX as a wearing surface. Get your laughing gear round that.
‘Saint James? Yes, I know he’s not actually dead, but he’s so rich we let him in anyway.’
MyFloor Creative Design Service, Gerflor
‘We had that Timothy Leary in. He said his name was Uncle Buck and that he was opening an ice cream parlour. But we knew it was him.
‘Eh? Well, for a start he’s peddling sweet comestibles. Dead giveaway. Also, well … just look at it. We did it … whatever the client wants, right? Printed logos, everything. Clients design it online, it’s water-jet cut it in either Taralay Impression or Premium, and bingo! Wear-resistant sheet flooring, completely bespoke.
‘We know it was him though. Ashok had some of the sprinkles on his 99-flake and he’s not been the same since.’
Allura Flex LVT, Forbo
It’s not like the firm’s canteen, Bri! You got to get them in, off the street, and sell ’em stuff they want to eat!
These blighters aren’t captives: they’ll vote with their feet!
Muesli pots are all very well but a cheese and ham croissant? Digestive hell.
So it’s crucial to up the dwell, Bri, see?
Which is why, Bri, we’ve kitted it with Forbo’s tackified plank LVTs for footfall and dwell, lad, we’ve fitted it
– in a day and a half – with Grey Autumn Oak,
which doesn’t scan … but you can’t have everything, can you mate?