Door and windows to inspire your creative juices

 

‘Oh dash it all, Mark Carney, banker’s banker and economic whizzkid!’

 

‘What’s up, Damien Hirst, creative monetiser of this parish?’

 

‘That blimmin Mondrian. We do our seminal online interview about digital art investments, and now he’s gone and gone transparent. The dastard!’

 

‘But didn’t he die in 1944?’

 

‘No, he faked his death for the publicity. Now he’s gone totally see-through. Look at this SF52 curtain wall he’s done in Bolton! Even my drainage is completely hidden. Invisible art! Genius! But it makes Sotheby’s art-shredding wheeze too damn obvious.’ 

 

 

I was sitting there trimming my box ball planters, wishing that I had the kind of space that allowed one to sit and admire them come rain or shine, when it struck me: a magnetic weather sealing bar, which would rise to meet my courtyard doors as they closed, and which – with an integrated channel – would protect against driving rain, so allowing me to contemplate my beautiful box balls in comfort. Then I discovered that IQ Glass had already done it. And then it rained. And then the box balls caught blight anyway and died. 

 

 

‘Ah! Come in Mr Raffles. We operate an open-door policy here. Feel free to treat everything as your own! I see you admiring the Hirst on the wall…’

 

‘A Hirst? Oh yes. But no: this door intrigues me… A Sieger Lux, yes? With thermal break, 7A to 9A watertightness, and that vast gassed glass? Surely you close it in winter? It has integrated three-point locking, you know. I am something of an amateur when it comes to locks and such. As for your, ah… art, madam: one only really tends to notice the good stuff.’

 

 

‘Lovely drop of the local Glyndwr Rosé 2019, lads!’

 

‘Yeah, Bri! S’alright. I’ve only had two glasses and it’s messed with me verticals.’

 

‘Kewanu, son: have you not read up on where we’re holding our Automotive Grommet and Boot Federation gala dinner?’

 

‘Too busy selling the stuff, guv!’

 

‘It’s not your eyes; the curtain walling on this fine new Welsh bar we’re drinking in slopes outwards by 20º! It was actually classified as roof glazing, yet still meets the crowd loading requirements. You gotta get Googling if you want to get on, lad!’