Down to earth: PiP’s latest products selection combines style and practicality in landscaping, outdoor surfaces, guttering and furniture
Outdoor surfaces
Königoutdoor by Königstone
‘Yeah, we’ve got ’im. He’s a wriggler!’
‘Ace! Get here quick. The pizza oven’s fired-up and the heat, scratch, stain, frost and UV resistant sintered stone surfaces are all crying out for a chef who’s up to this kitchen’s al fresco standards.’
‘He’s moaning about his 750 children and a new series he’s filming. He is not a happy bunny.’
‘Put him on. Oliver? Jamie? Mate! Don’t cry! Yeah you’re my slave now, but we’ve got a KönigOutdoor kitchen! Iron Corten Satin doors by Neolith! Leathered Absolute Black Granite surfaces…’
‘Cool! See you in ten.’
Salinas furniture collection
Talenti
‘Ibiza not exciting enough for you, love?’
‘Yeah, don’t get me wrong – and ta for the free holiday and everything – but I can’t help being attracted to that other Salinas Collection table next door. Yours might evoke the Balearic landscape in monolithic concrete, but that one’s patented Accoya wood, acetylated from sustainably-harvested softwoods, so it’s even more durable than tropical hardwoods!’
‘You should’ve swiped left on me Kelly, girl. You crave wood but I still offer a powerful monolithic base. Dimensional stability only gets a girl so far.’
‘But it’s non-toxic as well, Brian. Just saying.’
Aluminium guttering and fascias
Alutec
‘Noah! NOAH! What in God’s name are you doing?’
‘Installing these Aligator Boxer gutters with 765mm Flushfit downpipes of course, Mrs Noah! Why are you getting all aeriated like that down there on the ground while the stinking waters are rapidly rising? Get on the blinking ark, light of my darkness, while I finish this maintenance-free installation!’
‘But you still need time for cutting and forming the Evoke panelling, silly!’
‘Don’t worry, my succulent nectarine! The whole system is quick and easy to install on site, so it’ll all be done before the deluge-y comeuppance hits us!’
Hard landscaping solutions
Marshalls
(Spoken in thickest Peaky Blinders accent) Orroite me babba, yaouw coomoon sit dowwun ere an feast yawor oyes on this redevelopment araowound the stayshun ere in Burminggum’s cosmopolitan oob a Perry Baaarrrrrgh. Aymin tao evoke the fusion melange of the famous Brummagem dish of a bostin Balti coorri, Marshalls provoydid a full suoite a landscapin materials cos theyum offer sooch a rayinge loik, includin granites in laodsa diffren coolas, tactoile payuvin, kerbsanbollards and even the beddin system yaouw need for gettin the stawon dawun! Loovly? Innit? Done well on tha wun, eh bab?